When it rains, it pours (the bad kind)

I'm grieving right now.. grieving alone infront of my station, with a throbbing headache due to the 3 glasses (cocktail glasses!) of margarita I drank at Gerry's for Jayson's post breakfast birthday treat. I should be working on QA or something, but since our weekly deliverables were cut down in half (breathe!) I have a lot of freetime after shift.. (right not I have time to compose this blog.)

Ouch! I could feel the pain in my head and I really just want to go home and sleep. I'm logged out of ym right now. Like I said, I'm grieving over something that never should have been, never been there in the first place. Well, thanks to that stupid email, which was carelessly forwarded..coupled with fits of jealousy, and there goes everything that made me happy for the past so and so months (or has it been years already?) would you believe that I'm getting teary eyed right now as I am typing this? Of course! All I could do is to just reminisce and think of things that could not be taken back anymore, and to think, most of my support group (and I'm sorry, but it's not the Troopers) are in the gy shift.. I just get to be with them for a short period of time since I'm in this shift. I really wish I'm back on the gy shift. Things are alot simpler when I'm working gy then.

When it rains, it pours.. in this case, I'm being rained down with unfavorable moments.. aside from the break in my personal life, work seems to demotivating me altogether too. I won't go into specific details, and I'm really too tired to understand anymore. All the redtape and possible backbiting..the unreasonable workload.. Arrgghh!

I wish that this would pass.. I wish that this would all end. That I would just be over you.. not to wait for any text, not to wait for any ym mssgs to send me off through the day, no more signs that I might be atleast worth something valuable to you.. and I wish that I will have the better understanding to let the red tape in my work pass by, maybe have the reasoning that they might need it better than I do..but would that make me an employee that just turns on a blind eye and a deaf ear to all of those crap?

I hope that I would be back to my normal self, only better since I know I have survived yet another struggle in my life. But for now, all I could do is to get on with my life for now, try my best to just keep personal and professional into 2 different areas of my life, and hopefully time will just heal everything, like it always does.