Me and my Tactless Thoughts

I am in trouble...

Just don't want you to go

I'm sorry if I said 'bahala nga kayo"... I only said that because I was a bit upset that you suddenly submitted your letter, like you just did it for the sake of getting it over and done with. I just don't know how to react..what to do or what to say but be upset and be mad. We were both so quiet all throughout the ride, each of us both lost in our own thoughts. I will never knew what was going on your mind but I know mine is all about my life after you're gone, silently making a list of the reasons why I am being upset just because you're going to resign. So far, here's what I have thought of:

~I don't want you to go yet because I don't have someone to go home with every morning. The way home will be less interesting (and believe me, it is!)
~I don't want you to go because going to work every night won't be that exciting anymore because you won't be around (yeah, even if we just see each other in the morning, the thought of knowing you're just 2 floors below me is sort of comforting for some reason)
~I don't want you to go because I won't have anyone to watch my back, not just against the backbiting and unfairness in my account, but against everything else.
~I don't want you to go because Saturdays will be so lonely without you, hanging out with me.
~I don't want you to go because I won't have anyone to ask to comfortably whenever I need help with anything (especially with the MS application stuff!)

~I don't want you to go because you're the one who has become the closest to me, my confidante and probably my bestfriend right now.(yeah even if half the time we just trade jokes,and there are times when you can be a bit self-centered!)

~I don't want you to go because I just realized that you may be worth more to me than I could have thought of...and the thought of losing you just made me realize that...

~I don't want you to go because I just don't want to... period. Why? I don't know. I just don't know.

La na nga si Jaggy,sumunod ka pa agad...sana isa isa lang ang attrition di ba? =(

To be continued because writer is too much upset for still unknown reasons....

The Long Week that was....

It's been a long week for me.. I'm glad that I'm on my weekend restday and I'll get to spend the whole day Sunday in my bed until I go to work for hopefully a better week. Being a supervisor can be oh so draining at times, and it doesn't help that you have lost confidence in the higher powers of my professional life. Sometimes, I find myself just staring at my pc aimlessly at the excel sheets, email floods, feedback forms,jabber broadcasts and a hundred other things that are messing up my screen, until someone will approach me and interrupt me to ask for a bank routing number. Like what someone told me, it comes with the job . Now, I'm sort of low in the confidence department right now. I'm really just a step away from my judgement day when suddenly, Mr. Bean called me one day in his presence and told me that I was somehow responsible (although he made a disclaimer that it was not so, but who is HE kidding?) for two agents who were given warnings because of the performance management program. I was surprised because I was not expecting that those two agents will be one, my close friend and agent 2 is someone who even praised me in her appraisal. I really felt bad after that time that I wanted to cry. Ofcourse, being a supervisor, you don't have the right to show your personal emotions especially to your agents who are also low in morale themselves because of the things that have been happening on the floor since they look up to you for motivation and inspiration. I distanced myself from my peers,just getting in touch with them on official and business matters (I don't care if they will take this personally against me since what we require is just harmonious working relationship and not be chummy with each other). I just do whatever needs to be done in my work. I know that I may seem alienating myself, but I am not really a hypocrite. I had seen enough. With all the demands and expectations of my position right now, I have learned that the simplest things are the reasons why I always made it through the day in one piece. I find my solace with the few (oh so few) of my true friends who has the initiative to drop by my station and amuse or make me laugh with silly jokes and the latest gossip and who really asks me how I am feeling right now. I find my relief everytime I see my 'sundo' as I know that his presence always meant that we will soon be going home,as soon as I finish whatever I have to do for the day, which will prompt me to really finish it double time to just get out of the floor. I feel a rush everytime I receive a particular jab from someone as I know that this will result to a fruitful exchange of ideas(stimulating), I find some slack in having my lunch break with the non-ops people nowadays as this gives me free time away from ops floor. Seeing someone from my direct reports thank me because I have helped them in improving their performance reminds me that this job in this account can still be rewarding afterall. I love it when I know it's Friday shift since this means that it will be Saturday in a few hours and it's my restday and I can't wait to eat lunch somewhere good. These are the things that kept me alive this past week. I wonder what will happen for next week?