Just Rambling

It's another day at work for me. Even it's Holy Week, we have work.Yippee, double pay, more money! So far, no calls because of the fact that I am just taking calls for State Farm. Of course, it's great because I have no calls. The most calls I get in day is maybe 20 and those are just CS calls that were transferred to me. All around me, people are busy taking calls and that leaves me just writing this entry. We have a new seating plan and my new work station is not the best place to access the net. I kind of miss my old workstation way at the back of the floor where I can surf the net to pass the time. Doing nothing is great, sure. But I do notice that there are consequences for this privilege that I am now enjoying. For one thing, I am about to be slapped a verbal for my QA scores. It's not really that I totally forgot how to take calls, I still get a 100 grade for my sessions, but unfortunately, I am already failing some of my QA sessions. It's just one session,yes, but oh boy, if I fail, I do FAIL.


Like my last week's session, I got an all time grade of..... ta-dah, 65! I felt I've gone numb when I saw my score. What the hell! That's one price I have to pay for having few calls. More chances for your QA analyst to get those calls that you made blunders with. I just learned that I am about to be on a verbal warning stage just this Monday. I could not care less anymore, but inside, I was already on a bad mood. Verbal...for QA...I have been on this account for what, more than a year, almost two....and I am the one who'll be slapped with a verbal for QA? For failing just what? 3 sessions of QA? That's a bit subjective. I really don't know whether I would laugh or cry. Try cry? I felt that I must be a retard taking those calls. Whatever! I really don't care anymore. Failing QA and a future verbal warning is one thing, the comments that you hear from your colleagues can be another. Sure, its ok for the first time that I am hearing those jokes of "Wow, sarap ng buhay ni MCR, walang calls!", or "Double pay walang ginagawa." I even laugh and joke along with them. Drats, just a moment ago, I was flagged by my sup again. It's 11:30 and I still haven't taken my first break. Duh...sorry, did not notice the time as I am pre-occupied with my thoughts. With my rambling thoughts. Anyway, I am getting a bit annoyed with the comments lately. Maybe, I am just in a bad mood today. I think I want to be isolated for now.


Thoughts of resigning are fleeting in my mind again. I really feel that I am going nowwhere at this job. The other day I saw a schoolmates's picture at Friendster. She is actually a part of the cabin crew at Saudia Airlines. I was really envious because she posted the pictures showing her at some of the places I longed to see, like Egypt and London. If she's been there, then Paris and Rome are not far away. Sigh! I really just want to pursue my dream of travelling. I see travelling right now as a form of escape for me. You're constantly moving and at the same time discovering and learning. I really want to while I am still at my prime. Sigh! That would be THE DREAM!


Feeling weird and irritated. Would someone find the time to listen? Made the first step in restoring my faith. Surrendered my angst, my expectations, my fears, my hurts and my anxieties to the LOrd. This is my reflection for the Holy Week.

Love... in the form of Chess!

Check.......

Unexpectedly you came. Indifferent and clueless but you had the aura of complexity. I didn’t bother to recognize the beauty that was innate in you for it was just one of those senseless conversations for me. We were both minding our own pointless existence.
As the witty exchange of words drew us together, it suddenly occurred to me that this was different. You were different. I instantly noticed how amazingly smart you were. That and more.
I was the black pawn. You were the white knight. We were always on the same board but we never had our squares aligned. While I was busy protecting, shielding my own realm, you were having your own share of victorious moments. I took my steps one square at a time, constantly being aware of the threat that haunted me for years. Your valor radiated from within while your horse galloped. Your mere presence was too overwhelming for me not to notice.You were my metaphor.Your vagueness was intriguing me.For some strange reason it was as if I understood every crap you’ve been telling me. I just refused to acknowledge the fact that they were affecting me this much. I was trying desperately hard to resist being dragged any further into this but the scent of paranoia that once lingered in my whole being seemed to have faded.It had its toll.You had me.
We both knew that we could not justify the mediocrity of it all.

I was confused that’s why I just had to draw the line. I didn’t want to hold on to something that was not even there. You assured me that it was there, constantly hovering over my open palm. Somehow I just couldn’t grasp it. Maybe because I was just trying hard to get a grip of it for I feared that it might go away. I realized that I wasn’t letting it have a chance to calmly rest on my palm. I know you were just taking your time. You’ve been doing that from the start. You would never know how much I appreciated you for that. You were just probably as scared as I was. Not even half I bet, for now you have everything to lose.I’m nearing the end of the chessboard. Soon I’ll be transformed into a queen. I don’t know how to rule. This whole sense of sovereignty and royalty is far too profound for me to comprehend.Give me reasons to trust you.Tell me you’ll guard me with all your heart.Tell me you’ll erase the fear that I’ve been having of falling in love.Assure me that you’re the one I’ve been longing for and I’ll forever be yours.
Check. Your move…

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Pretty moving right? I came across this article while I was surfing the net to look for worthy websites with interesting feeds. I was impressed how the author related his, let me say, his lovelife to a game of chess. Pure genius (can I really relate?). My hand salutes whoever wrote this one. :)

Weekend.......I love it!

Love......... for Idiots

This is a Basic Guideline for Love for Idiots written by a Fellow Idiot:

Only you can say what love really is for you, but then maybe I can help you define it by telling you what I believe it is not.

Despite what most people think, love isn't selfless. You don't love for the sake of other people. All emotions are selfish, self-centered. No one can force you to feel anything other than what you really feel. Emotions never lie, people just misinterpret or disregard them.

Love can't be "learned".
You can't "learn to love" someone you don't love. You just delude yourself into liking them.

Love isn't alms.
You don't love someone because you feel sorry for them. That's not love. That's just pity.

Love isn't need.
It's not love when you expect the other person to fill a gap in your life. If that need disappears or is filled by something or someone else, then the supposed "love" disappears too. If you love someone because you want security or happiness or contentment from him or her, you're not going to get those things if they're not within you in the first place.

Love isn't "completion".
You're already complete as you are, you just need to discover and acknowledge it. It's not love if you think you need someone to feel complete. If that feeling doesn't come from you, you're not going to get it anywhere else.

Love isn't just a "feeling". It is both felt and known.
Your emotion and reason must be in sync.

"Love" without reason is just lust or shallow attraction.

"Love" without emotion is simply justification and rationalization.

Love isn't just in the present.
You have to love who that person was and who that person will be.

Love isn't supposed to drive you crazy.
It's not supposed to wreak havoc on your life. It's supposed to inspire you into being the best possible version of yourself.

A Dishearted Twenty Something

Being Twenty-Something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."
It is when you stop going along with the crowd
and start realizing that there are a lot of things
about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two,
but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish
and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met
and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too
and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing
or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis.
But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want.
Your opinions have gotten stronger.
You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not.

You are insecure and then secure.
You laugh andcry with the greatest force of your life.
You feel alone and scared and confused.
Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the pastwith dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken
and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed
and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better.
You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself
and while winning therace would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it.

We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

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Right now, since I'm a 20 something disillusioned working girl and feeling sort of confused right now. Hope it wont be for long.........

Burn Out!

Happier Times.........
Originally uploaded by mramos.

A few hours from now, I'll be lugging my behind to work again. It sucks because I can't sleep....goodluck to me later this shift.... The call wait is at its highest this past week. It's weird because on our call masters, the call wait is at 0, but as soon as I finish one call, another will come in... What the heck??? We began to think that there must be a conspiracy here...(a sudden attack of paranoia) so there would not be any additional stress by simply seeing how many calls are still lined up, waiting to be answered. No thanks to the Account Transfer Program campaign, we were down to I think the ideal number to meet the daily calls for our account and to think that there are those who are on their way to resigning as well.... I myself, almost passed my resignation letter last week... I got a customer complaint who I had the misfortune of answering and releasing the call because I was simply pissed off... I was actually in the middle of a call when my sup called my attention and informed me that I had this customer complaint and I even did not document the call.... "Busted!" I felt my blood drained from my face... Thoughts of horror flooded my brain as I continued to take my calls...I was already expecting that our Team Manaager would be swooping down to my workstation to press meeting and to discuss what took place on that call. Bummer...I was so pissed off afterwards that right there and then I was drafting my resignation letter in my head. So what? I am going to beat all of them by submitting my resignation before they give me the ax. I'm only human,its not that I blurted out profanities or cursed at the that bitchy customer (although in my mind, I might have!) I could not look at my sup properly, I even fear moving in my seat because no matter what justification I give out for my actions, Im still guilty...

My violations started to pile up as I was forced to have lunch earlier that I planned. Hey, my lunch break is at what, 1 am? and I start at 10? I end at 7...I can atleast delay that by two hours the most.... But no.... Great! Customer complaint, not following break scheds, failed QA, one call in....my week at work was turning out horribly wrong. I was really going to draft my letter this morning... But as the day went on... no Norvin came at sight, no "let's talk later" messages from Sup J, but I was so drained that day....from the calls, from the assumptions of getting axed, that I just decided to take a breather after shift.....I wanted to be alone. That happend 2 weeks ago...work is kind of a bit stressful these past weeks because of the massive cue that we handle everyday.I handle about a minimum of 100 calls per day. Half of those calls are sometimes unpleasant. I actually failed one lousy QA session and now I am enrolled in this coaching program that helps those agents who are primarily failing their QA sessions..its crazy. Me, a veteran of this account being coached by someone who's been on the floor for less than a year....? Great! People have been passing either their Account Transfer forms or resignation letters, and this sort of actually lowers the morale of the team. I better contemplate on my future in this company. I don't want to be the last rep in my batch to be staying here at Experian. Even though I have lots of free time right now because I was drafted to answer ONLY State Farm callers, I am still thinking of searching for a new ground. Things here are getting stale..and I mean things in ALL aspects if you know what I mean. I am surfing at job search sites to check what are the available options for me since I still have to prepare if I am seriously considering an airline related job, which I am being pressured to take by my mom and especially my dad who seemed to ask about it in every phone conversation I have with him.

Hmp... Speaking of stale...! I am actually bit irked by a certain someone this morning. I really don't appreciate being left alone, with a bag standing in a lobby. I was sort of pissed off and I have to control myself to hide my annoyance. I am still annoyed until now! Whatever!

P.S. January 1, 2014 To protect the identities of all people who I carelessly blogged, I have edited the names out on this entry. Apologies for any trouble that I may have caused.