Over and Over again....!

group gerrys
Originally uploaded by mramos.

It's Monday early morn as I am composing this entry....3 am in fact... I am at home, with Hale's The day you said goodnight playing on the radio. Haven't much time to write an entry anymore at work since becoming an ATL means that you have to be focused only on work related stuff in all your times being in meeting status the whole shift. In anycase, let me just tell you what happend for the past few weeks...

We had this party last July 4 to celebrate our team's nth time of passing QA. I was one of those who were awarded because of having one of the most number of passing QA marks and i won a gift certificate of 500 for that. (I thought I will never get one of those things!) I got to join a game with Alex the lion as my partner, for Break the Egg, and we won of course! Matching picture frames to boot! See our picture below:


A pair of good-looking Winners! Hehehe! :)



Prior to the party by the way, I went to this agency that where I applied a job for Singapore. I was made to take another set of exams. I did not made it. Bummer! I did not really set my heart on it, but it is kinda disappointing. I was thinking of the salary..it was actually enough for me to save for my future. But then again, God must have a different plan for me. But there is another opening however. Although, there is another opening for the cabin crew at Saudia. I was thinking of applying. I think I will give it a go.

Sigh! I have this habit of falling asleep early and then waking up around 2 or 3 in the morning.I feel contented and dreamy at this moment. The night is so calm and everything is just so quiet outside. Mom is already sleeping. I wonder what he's doing at this moment....Must be sleeping....Right before I fell asleep, I was toying with my mobile phone, browsing through the pictures that were stored there. I came across his picture. My mind began to wander....I suddenly scrolled to options and decided to set his picture as wallpaper for my phone. I smiled to myself.... and suddenly blurted out "Uy, bagay!" Wish I could really legally keep it that way,but of course, it's all just in my imagiantion. It's been more than 2 years now since I was in a relationship. Although, it really does not bother me that I am single now, but it would sure be wonderful to be in one again. Maybe I would be destined to be an old maid. I am certainly seeing a lot right now. It's already Saturday by the way, and my shift ended early. I was on swap with Kat Cordova and we're just passing the time away since Techy Rod will be treating us to lunch at Glorietta to celebrate his birthday. It was my sister's birthday as well last July 13 and I could not think of the perfect gift to give...not until yesterday.... Hehehe! I gave her this pair of flat shoes I bought the other night at Baclaran. When I got home, both my mom and my sister commented that the shoes were ugly...(Hmp! It was kinda cute when I bought it....) My sister even said that my feet look dirty on it so I made her try it on so I can have a clear idea what it looked like. It look kinda cute on her feet and the idea dawned to me that I would just then give the shoes to her as my birthday gift. I only wore it once anyways..... She stucked out her tongue at me to show her protest... Well, I am not kidding...but maybe as a consolation, I would add something, like a cologne or such...

I am actually at the training room right now, alone. I love that it's quiet here and I can gather my thoughts without the distraction. Sure, it's a bit lonley and literally, cold...that my lips are chapping right now....but still, I love the time alone to myself...

Now, I have to rush off because I really need to go to the bathroom...bad! Ciao!

P.S. Thanks to Eryll Arroza for the pics!

What does your birth month say about you?

Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"

May
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children.Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.



Thanks to Leane for this "insightful" link from her blog! :)

Magkwentuhan muna tayo!

Blue
by dscythe


“Anong favorite color mo?”
Natigilan ka sa pagsubo ng cheesecake na gawa ko sa bibig mo.

“Saan naman galing yung tanong mo?”

“Wala lang…”

Ngayon lang sumangga sa utak ko na isang taon na pala. Labingdalawang buwan. Tatlong-daan at animnapu’t-limang beses na umikot ang mundo mula ng magkakilala tayo. Pero ni hindi ko man lamang alam kung ano ang favorite color mo.

Mas mabilis ko pa yatang matatapos ang isang exam na ang mga tanong ay yung tipong:

“What is the maximum temperature that can be reached by the combustion of methane with 20% excess air? Both methane and the air enter the burner at 298K.”

Kaysa sa:

“What is his favorite color?”

Kung ganyan ang tanong na nasa exam ko, kahit pa siguro “up-to-sawa”, hindi lalapat ang ballpen sa papel ko. O di kaya naman nagmukha ng coupon bond yung yellow paper sa dami ng correction fluid na magagamit ko. At pihadong ma-si-singko ako.

Bigyan mo ako ng slumbook at yung unang limang linya lang ang masusulatan ko.

Name? Oo naman alam ko yun siyempre pati na rin nickname. Haller?

Birthday? Binati naman kita nung birthday mo. Siyempre hindi ko makakalimutan yung date noh. Saka ka-birthday mo pinsan ko.

Zodiac Sign? Sus. Ang dali lang hulaan nito. Malamang alam ko ‘to kasi alam ko birthday mo. Wala naman sa gitna ng dalawang zodiac signs ang birthday mo. May mga birthday kasi na depende sa dyaryong binabasa mo kung ano ang zodiac sign mo.

Address? Basta ang alam ko taga-Quezon City ka, di ko nga lang talaga sigurado kung saan. Malapit yata sa EDSA.

Telephone Number? Mandaraya pa ako. Naka-store naman landline mo sa cell ko eh.

Pagdating sa “favorites”…

Tenenenen.

Favorite:

Color? Uhmm…blue? Stereotypical lang. Siguro kasi lalaki ka.

Food? Kinakain mo naman lahat eh, paano ko malalaman? Bottomless pit pa man din yang sikmura mo. Kaya nga ang taba mo ngayon eh. Bola-bola siopao? Saka siyempre cheesecake ko.

Sport? Without a doubt. BASKETBALL.

Song? Half-life by Duncan Shiek? Lagi ko lang kasing naririnig yung statement na half-life galing sa’yo. Saka naalala ko rin na may sinabi kang gusto mo yun.

Singer? Malamang Duncan Shiek.

Movie? Dito medyo sigurado ako. The Matrix. Pati na rin yung Reloaded and Revolution.

Actor? I don’t think just because you like the Matrix you like Keanu Reeves as well.

Actress? Maui Taylor? Aubrey Miles? Lahat ng nag-pose para sa FHM calendar? Based lang lahat ng assumptions ko sa mga naka-dikit sa dingding ng kwarto mo.

Book? The Alchemist? You just seem to quote so much from it.

Author? Paulo Coelho? For obvious reasons.

The list could go on and still manghuhula pa rin ako. I just realized that I hardly know you at all. Ni hindi ko man lang alam kung ano ang mga hilig mo. Pero kahit na ganito ang kaso minahal pa rin kita. Hindi naman kasi kita minahal dahil sa pareho tayong fan ng LA Lakers. At lalong hindi naman mawawala yung pagmamahal ko sa’yo kung nagkataon na si April Boy ang favorite singer mo. Minahal kita dahil sa kung ano yung ikaw na nakilala ko. Yung pagpunas mo ng luha sa mukha ko sa tuwing umiiyak ako. Yung pagdala mo ng pandesal sa trabaho nung hindi ako nakakain bago umalis ng bahay. Yung pagukunwari mong nasasaktan ka tuwing hinahampas kita. Yung pagpilit mo sa’king ngumiti kahit pa sukdulan naman yung kakornihan ng joke mo. Yung nag-star gazing tayo sa field habang nakahiga ako sa braso mo. Yun ang mga katangian mong minahal at pinahalagahan ko. Pero malamang kung si April Boy ang favorite singer mo, na-turn off ako. Pero kaunti lang.

“Hulaan mo?”

“Hay, ‘yan ka na naman. Pahihirapan pa akong manghula, hindi na lang sabihin."

Kunwari nag-isip ako.

“Blue?”

Ngumiti ka.

“Green.”

Sa hindi ko na alam kung pang-ilang pagkakataon, mali na naman ako. Tulad ng maraming pagkakamali na una kong nagawa. Mali ako nung hinulaan kong blue ang kulay ng pinto ng apartment mo, pink pala. Mali ako nung inakala kong bunso ka. Mali ako nung inakala kong iisa lang yung ate mong gagawan natin ng cheesecake at yung ate mong kasama mo sa apartment. Mali yung pagkakabasa ko sa mga ikinikilos mo. Mali yung inakala kong there was something existing between us. Kasi nung hinayaan ko ang sarili kong mahulog, wala ka palang balak saluhin ako. Ang dami ko tuloy tinamong pilay at sugat. Mga sugat na hindi ko alam kung kalian gagaling ng tuluyan. Mali rin yung inisip ko that there could have been something existing between us kung hindi lang ako tanga. Kasi bumaba ng sukdulan ang self-esteem ko kakasisi ko sa sarili ko. Lalong mali yung umaasa pa rin ako that someday maybe, just maybe, something would be existing between us. Dahil habang patuloy akong umaasa, lalo mo lang akong pinapatay. Kaya nga mali rin siguro na magkaibigan uli tayo.

Pero hindi ko itinuturing na pagkakamali yung minahal kita. Oo, nasaktan ako ng sobra at sinubukan kong lunurin ang sarili ko sa bote-bote ng beer, pero yung sandaling panahong ipinaramdam mo sa’kin na mahalaga ako ay isa sa pinakamasasayang sandali ng buhay ko. Pero dapat ko ng tanggapin na hindi ka talaga para sa’kin at dapat na kitang pakawalan. Wala ng silbi yung patuloy ko pang hayaan na sa’yo umikot ang mundo ko. Alam kong magmamahal uli ako, pero hindi pa ngayon. Kung kailan, hindi ko alam.

Sana lang kapag dumating na ang araw na magmahal uli ako, tumama na ako na blue ang favorite color niya.

########
Unti-unti ka ng umaalis sa buhay ko pero hindi ko pa rin alam kung anong favorite color mo...

Thanking God...

Everytime I look back to what I've been through for the past 3 years I could not help but feel overwhelmed. I have experienced times so tough that I felt I was running out of hope in my life. There were times that I would just sit at our balcony, with a grumbling stomach, writing at my journal.... staring at the stars, nearly at tears and praying to God to help me and my family through it all.... To make matters worse, the one person who I was hoping will be there, Michael, has suddenly announced that he fell in love with someone else and told me that I was not his priority anymore. I was so devastated...We were broke, my heart was shattered to pieces, my life crumbling around me...I became sickly then,I was crying everyday, I remember...I felt that I have nobody else...I guess it is true that when times are low...you suddenly come running back to your faith...to God...I began to re establish my relationship with God...I began to read the bible...go to church again... Things that I somehow have forgotten when things seems to go my way, but not really. Whenever I need wisdom and strength, whenever I feel that my hope is failing, I pray to God and open the bible and like magic, the verse I would end up reading always applies to what I was feeling then. Then things just fell into place...it was not that instant, of course... It was sort of a step by step process.. God truly has his own ways....

Getting the job at Fil-Pac was the stepping stone. It was my first job. A real paying job.Although the pay was minimal, it did helped alot. I decided to expand my horizons but I never expected People Support at all. I even thought I was not accepted because they gave me a vague answer of just-wait-we'll-call-you after my last interview. But again, God has His own way... Since then, I have learned so much...in all aspects of my being. I'm always forever thankful and in awe of God's wisdom. I learned not to question his will. No matter how long the process, things always fall into place in the end..just as long you put your trust in God.


I want to share this prayer that I first heard from Mr. Big. Although the prayer is Catholic, I feel that I can still apply the prayer to certain situations in my life that I sometimes could not comprehend. Anyway, I'm an open minded Born-Again Christian. Going back, I can't exactly remember how we started to talk about it. All I remember was that we were eating then at Chowking after a long walk and he recited this prayer. "Ang ganda naman nyan....yan ang pinakamagandang Catholic prayer na narinig ko. Anung title nyan?", I blurted out. To which he answered me in his annoyed, supreme fashion..."Ha? hindi mo alam ang Serenity Prayer?" "Sorry, hindi kasi ako Catholic! Hindi rin tinuro sa amin yan. Pero alam ko yung Apostle's Creed!" Hehehe! I could not help but smile everytime I recall that moment. That was actually one of the times that I would fondly remember Mr. Big of, inspite of his annoying habits. In any case, here is the Serenity Prayer...

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.


Beautiful isn't it? To which I'll end this entry with one of my favorite verse in the bible:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6


God bless everyone! :)