Love......... for Idiots

This is a Basic Guideline for Love for Idiots written by a Fellow Idiot:

Only you can say what love really is for you, but then maybe I can help you define it by telling you what I believe it is not.

Despite what most people think, love isn't selfless. You don't love for the sake of other people. All emotions are selfish, self-centered. No one can force you to feel anything other than what you really feel. Emotions never lie, people just misinterpret or disregard them.

Love can't be "learned".
You can't "learn to love" someone you don't love. You just delude yourself into liking them.

Love isn't alms.
You don't love someone because you feel sorry for them. That's not love. That's just pity.

Love isn't need.
It's not love when you expect the other person to fill a gap in your life. If that need disappears or is filled by something or someone else, then the supposed "love" disappears too. If you love someone because you want security or happiness or contentment from him or her, you're not going to get those things if they're not within you in the first place.

Love isn't "completion".
You're already complete as you are, you just need to discover and acknowledge it. It's not love if you think you need someone to feel complete. If that feeling doesn't come from you, you're not going to get it anywhere else.

Love isn't just a "feeling". It is both felt and known.
Your emotion and reason must be in sync.

"Love" without reason is just lust or shallow attraction.

"Love" without emotion is simply justification and rationalization.

Love isn't just in the present.
You have to love who that person was and who that person will be.

Love isn't supposed to drive you crazy.
It's not supposed to wreak havoc on your life. It's supposed to inspire you into being the best possible version of yourself.

A Dishearted Twenty Something

Being Twenty-Something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."
It is when you stop going along with the crowd
and start realizing that there are a lot of things
about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two,
but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish
and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met
and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too
and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing
or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis.
But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want.
Your opinions have gotten stronger.
You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not.

You are insecure and then secure.
You laugh andcry with the greatest force of your life.
You feel alone and scared and confused.
Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the pastwith dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken
and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed
and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better.
You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself
and while winning therace would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it.

We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

********************

Right now, since I'm a 20 something disillusioned working girl and feeling sort of confused right now. Hope it wont be for long.........

Burn Out!

Happier Times.........
Originally uploaded by mramos.

A few hours from now, I'll be lugging my behind to work again. It sucks because I can't sleep....goodluck to me later this shift.... The call wait is at its highest this past week. It's weird because on our call masters, the call wait is at 0, but as soon as I finish one call, another will come in... What the heck??? We began to think that there must be a conspiracy here...(a sudden attack of paranoia) so there would not be any additional stress by simply seeing how many calls are still lined up, waiting to be answered. No thanks to the Account Transfer Program campaign, we were down to I think the ideal number to meet the daily calls for our account and to think that there are those who are on their way to resigning as well.... I myself, almost passed my resignation letter last week... I got a customer complaint who I had the misfortune of answering and releasing the call because I was simply pissed off... I was actually in the middle of a call when my sup called my attention and informed me that I had this customer complaint and I even did not document the call.... "Busted!" I felt my blood drained from my face... Thoughts of horror flooded my brain as I continued to take my calls...I was already expecting that our Team Manaager would be swooping down to my workstation to press meeting and to discuss what took place on that call. Bummer...I was so pissed off afterwards that right there and then I was drafting my resignation letter in my head. So what? I am going to beat all of them by submitting my resignation before they give me the ax. I'm only human,its not that I blurted out profanities or cursed at the that bitchy customer (although in my mind, I might have!) I could not look at my sup properly, I even fear moving in my seat because no matter what justification I give out for my actions, Im still guilty...

My violations started to pile up as I was forced to have lunch earlier that I planned. Hey, my lunch break is at what, 1 am? and I start at 10? I end at 7...I can atleast delay that by two hours the most.... But no.... Great! Customer complaint, not following break scheds, failed QA, one call in....my week at work was turning out horribly wrong. I was really going to draft my letter this morning... But as the day went on... no Norvin came at sight, no "let's talk later" messages from Sup J, but I was so drained that day....from the calls, from the assumptions of getting axed, that I just decided to take a breather after shift.....I wanted to be alone. That happend 2 weeks ago...work is kind of a bit stressful these past weeks because of the massive cue that we handle everyday.I handle about a minimum of 100 calls per day. Half of those calls are sometimes unpleasant. I actually failed one lousy QA session and now I am enrolled in this coaching program that helps those agents who are primarily failing their QA sessions..its crazy. Me, a veteran of this account being coached by someone who's been on the floor for less than a year....? Great! People have been passing either their Account Transfer forms or resignation letters, and this sort of actually lowers the morale of the team. I better contemplate on my future in this company. I don't want to be the last rep in my batch to be staying here at Experian. Even though I have lots of free time right now because I was drafted to answer ONLY State Farm callers, I am still thinking of searching for a new ground. Things here are getting stale..and I mean things in ALL aspects if you know what I mean. I am surfing at job search sites to check what are the available options for me since I still have to prepare if I am seriously considering an airline related job, which I am being pressured to take by my mom and especially my dad who seemed to ask about it in every phone conversation I have with him.

Hmp... Speaking of stale...! I am actually bit irked by a certain someone this morning. I really don't appreciate being left alone, with a bag standing in a lobby. I was sort of pissed off and I have to control myself to hide my annoyance. I am still annoyed until now! Whatever!

P.S. January 1, 2014 To protect the identities of all people who I carelessly blogged, I have edited the names out on this entry. Apologies for any trouble that I may have caused.

Insecurities and What Have Yous..........

I am writing this entry past my bedtime so to speak, which is supposed to be at 2pm (normal bedtime for the call center folks like me. Time just flew by again, January just ended and February is passing by us again, fast!

Actually, I am down in the dumps right now...why? I really can't tell. For the past several days, I was very happy. You know, happy, as in high spirits, couldn't help but smile happiness. The one that yousimply can't contain inside you? The one that you feel as if you're (choke!) inlove?!?

Hahaha! Here I am again using that I.L. word again. It's very difficult for me to apply that to myself, but it's the only word that I can think of to describe what I was feeling these past few days, until now of course.
So am I inlove? Well, maybe, maybe not. I'm really not sure to tell you honestly. I am really confused right now regarding that matter, or am I just afraid to admit it? Bummer!

Anyway,I came to work last Wednesday night, feeling so down in the dumps. I really can't pinpoint why. Maybe it's the hormones or something, but one thing's for sure, I am low in the self-esteem department. Normally, I am a very secure person ( well, yeah of course!) I am satisfied with what I am right now but maybe there comes a point in your life where you suddenly just want to wallow in self pity and to scrutinize your faults.

Well, I always thought myself as a boring person. Really! I feel that what I say sometimes is too shallow, when I am just trying to make light conversation, or too dull when I am just trying to speak my mind. Although, my friends ( according to letters, friendster testimonials, and verbal compliments) that they do enjoy talking to me and I was not boring. I just felt that what I am saying is completely uninteresting because I feel that the other person is not really listening. Don't we all want someone to be at least our listening board?

That was actually last week when I was so down in the dumps. That was such a terrible feeling. I even have to go and press personal to go to the ladies' room to vent out (through crying) because an ass hole customer made me more upset than I was feeling back then. My officemates noticed my sudden quietness and my forlorn expression. BUt of course, thanks to some people, they kind of cheered me up through my mid life crisis (that's what I referred my situation last week). I was able to get over it by Friday morning. I am now back to my self old confident self! (unfortunately for me my skin is breaking out and I have this huge zit on my forehead, that is painful, and red...ewww! its because of this treatment cream that I am using. Sure is slow before I can see the results!).

I am just going to continue this next time...in time for Valentine's maybe. Right now, people's morale are low in the office and I could not help but feel sad as well. It's kind of sad to think that this dream job, this job where the work seem like just a big play, will about to end all of a sudden. I don't want it to end. Atleast not yet. :( To be continued.....................